I Don't Really Have Many Here

Wednesday, July 26, 2023

Being open takes a lot out of me these days. Staying closed off gets me depressed. I don't know how to navigate a happy medium being in-between things. And perhaps that's a thing I need to work on more.

But the thing is I don't really know anyone that I can go and hang out with. I don't know who to turn to when it comes to relatability and such. You're reading about an Emo / Hardcore / Punk kid that doesn't really know how to interact with other people outside of that. Perhaps I don't make the time to get to know people and to be some sort of casual person to them. No matter what my life is pretty cool considering that I'm able to make stuff without any cap. I have an amazing person in my life that helps me get to places I would never go. It would be nice, however, to find a pack of wolves to just shoot the shit and hang out. I'm okay, honestly, but I wish I had relatable people in my life.

I also need to get out of the fact that what I see on my phone is the reality of what's going on. And getting sick of just looking at it most days and maybe that'll be the crutch to get myself out of it more often than not. I did do a test the other day to see how much I'm on my phone by trying to actually work at stuff at work and write out ideas. Believe me I'm so bad at being on my phone and I usually listen to a lot of interviews and songs and such. Nope nope. I gotta keep it in the middle somehow.

Despite that being present here tells me how much friends I made. And honestly I've not made any. I've not made any.... It's my fault, for sure, but reaching out doesn't do much. I should be out there like the boys hanging out in the bars and shit and get all stupid, but, I'm here with an amazing girlfriend straight edge as fuck eating vegetarian all day everyday and going to the gym. Man... not many people can do what I do.

- Arthur