There's Nothing Like Running From A Place Called Home

Tuesday, April 2, 2024

About a couple of weeks ago I found out my Uncle had passed away. I was out and about with my girlfriend and her brother when the news hit. At the moment I couldn't fathom the fact that this was happening and sort of brushed it off. As my family started to gather the news on our messenger app it kinda began to sink in. All family members started making plans to visit Cali to pay respects.

Pulling it back a bit my Uncle and his family went to see my father get buried in 2003. I was going through a lot at the time and they managed to come through in support and respect to my father.

Pulling even further there was a moment my brother Bernard was sent away from our household to live with our Uncle and cousins and unfortunately came back to our household kinda worse at the time. He was the one responsible for Bernard to sort of keep away from what he was dealing with back at home.

And now... here we are. Uncle is gone and all these memories starts to sink in...

I didn't know my Uncle and cousins as well as Bernard did at the time, but I looked up to them sort of seeking guidance on how to be like them. They were that cool Asian click that I wished I was apart of being around gangbanger fuck shit. They were that cool Asian click that smoke and drank because that's what you did in the 90's. Obviously that faded away considering how awkward I am as a person and the fact that I couldn't really match what they got going on.

I wouldn't see them for a long time until we visited the cousins for a funeral visit for our cousin Chico who was murdered. This was fresh after my father had already been buried. 2 Knockout back to back hits and I still stand here thinking how is okay?

I'm going to Cali this Saturday. My brothers Bernard and Christopher don't know that I'm coming home to also pay my respects (and to be honest I'm glad they don't read this shit). I'm not sure why I'm only letting my sister Diana and younger brother Eldon know that I'm coming, but there's a thing in me that was apprehensive in letting them know that I'm going. In fact, I was kinda upset at the fact that my brother Christopher in our messenger app already assumed that I wasn't going to go. I kinda felt triggered, but at the same time he was almost right. These are things I usually miss.

And in fact I was a bit apprehensive to even go. I don't want to deal with this. Because it's bringing me back to a point in my life that changed everything and everyone that I didn't really want. But here I am... fucking sober and trying to deal with it.

Nothing like running away from a place called home. There's a reason I don't want to come back to Cali. And with all that has happened I don't think I want to be around those towns ever. I wished my family lived here instead

- ArtB_)

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OMFG I'm Soooo Late

Tuesday, January 9, 2024

Happy New Year everyone and yes I'm definitely late to the party. This is not the first time not updating anything during the first week of the year, but as of late I've been making a lot of progress on just everything that I'm involved in. And considering what I'm working on it's just been exciting that I'm starting the New Year trying to be creative as best I can.





The first day of the year this sees a release and continues the ongoing momentum that I'm trying to keep at for 2024. Honestly a lot of my release runs from 2023 was wild and I think I'm happy to know that I can do something this crazy for the foreseeable future. I'm hoping to find myself focused on the bigger projects this year and to release some singles here and there just for fun.

I realized that projects can be finished on the LST LVS angle. I intend to keep this for the longest time considering my images don't have enough power to stand alone. And you know what? That's okay. I'm happy that I'm continuing this feat.

And that's just reallly it for me for 2024. My intention for this year is to keep the momentum going for this project. There are a couple of things that I'm trying differently this year though:

DigiCam Project
Last year I was able to find a "DigiCam" that was good enough not only to shoot pictures, but to print out images at a reasonable size (it can almost print out to 8.5 x 11). The latitude of data is good enough to bring back some details in the highlights and shadows with the current camera raw software that I have. Since it can shoot in TIFF the images generate pretty well in Adobe Camera Raw. My angle is to photograph in black in white all year. Lets see if that lasts lol.

Metronome
Lately I've been trying to figure out different ways to write guitar parts. Metronomes have been something I've been very curious about working with in which could help me stay strict on writing than going to outer space with just noodling around all the time. I want to become a better player and this could perhaps help me get there by working on my timing. I'm timing deficient and I think it's one of my weaknesses as a player.

Other than that I'm not really pushing anything else different as I continue to try and write for my full length in the morning, attend Muay Thai classes and eat a bit healthier. Keeping at it and just figuring it all out.

I did end up having to be an official state worker here in Connecticut and now my schedule to work from home is 60 - 40%. I get more time to record in certain weeks so this'll be my chance to get more done.

I hope you all had a wonderfull New Year. Keep at it with the resolutions. This is the time to fail for sure and a time to learn what works and what doesn't work.

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