AND ON THE 29TH OF SEPTEMBER I TURNED 30

Friday, October 30, 2015



It's been almost a month and I had turned 30. There's nothing really different about it I guess, but it reminds me that I've stayed alive for 30 years. I've been through a lot and have been trying my best to get by. I've worked hard and gotten some great feedback from my friends, family and colleagues and it has helped me understand that I am here for a reason.

Just recently I've seen a direction I wanted to go towards to in photography and it seems as though it's the right direction to go to. It's this idea of helping community with the work I show seems so much more enticing than feeling like people need to by my work out of my own self indulgence. But at this time I feel fine and making work has been better since starting photography.

I don't know what I'm going to be doing for the next year. I do have plans that I'm working on to help get work out there for not only myself, but my friends that I respect as artists. This is something that I'm definitely down for and am willing to do in the next few years. Who knows... maybe a distro that I've been mentioning here and there may come up and I'll probably be running that next year. :)

Let's just hope now.

Read more...

I'M NOT HERE RIGHT NOW. PLEASE LEAVE A MESSAGE AFTER THE TONE.... BEEEEEP

Monday, October 26, 2015

Scan-150731-0013

Caution / Lowell, Ma / June 2015

It was an okay weekend that weekend I guess. The highlight was eating pizza that had artichokes.

Read more...

LAST WORDS BEFORE YOU LEAVE

Friday, October 23, 2015

I think we can all agree that death has surfaced through our loved ones at one point. Heartbreaking to most individuals it could lead to some closure or to deep depression. Recently my wife's mother had pulled the plug on her father. His condition was worsening over the course of the years, but her family kept him alive all the time until now. He was diagnosed with alzheimer's disease awhile back which brought him back and forth into this world. I remember meeting him a year ago and he didn't really say anything. It was kind of heartbreaking. The barrier between him and I was language and I don't think he understood most of what I was saying (he speaks the Bisaya language on top of the Tagalog from what I understand). I'm sure he had a pretty good idea, but that's really all I got out of it. He was kinda brittle, sort of unable to maneuver from one place to the other. He stayed in the house most of the time and had been in the aid of the aunts and other family members.

The last few words that my wife's mother had said "I love you pa. I'm sorry I'm there..." which lead up to a good amount of crying and words "I just want to hold him" and "I miss pa..". It was heartbreaking for sure and seeing this made me recollect what I had been through years ago.


My father died of cancer when I was a senior in high school. I remembered in the waiting room I saw him, lifeless, as my brother removed the rag, kissed his forehead, and closed his eyes with his thumb and index. I think that moment burned in me till this day. And previous to his death he was slowly fading away, getting skinnier and skinnier by the days. It was awkward for me to even look at him let alone talk to him about things. I knew he was going to die when my mom had said "I'm afraid something is going to happen to dad." I don't think I had said anything to dad before he died. I kind of let him go in silence.

I remember this girl, Heather Frandson, who used to date this kid Andy... forgot his last name. They had some problems throughout their relationship in which I was sort of involved in. Heather's mother and father died at an early age and she was sort of faced with fending for herself. She used to be part of the scene back in Lemoore & Hanford. Going to shows, hanging out with friends, and really being part of that group of people. I remember I had to pick her up from the hospital one time because she slit her wrists. I spent the night in her apartment just to make sure she was okay. I found out at one point that she was in Palm Springs with Andy on the phone drunk on Vodka. She had a gun in an apartment and said her last words to Andy "I love you Andy. Sorry..." and then shot herself.

Another was of a guy named Nick who was sort of seeing this girl, Melissa. They hung out a lot with our friends and were kind of a cool couple to be around. One night Nick was driving Melissa home to Visalia when suddenly the car just flips over. Both of them were on the road and the last thing that Nick said to Melissa was "I'm very glad to have met you.".

It's been years thinking about all this. A lot of people have died along the way. And a lot of those people were pretty good human beings. I know that I talk about death a lot in some of my blogs, but that's kind of what I've been dealing with myself. About my purpose in life. About what I want to be known for before I leave this earth. I don't have to be this popular individual. I just want to be that guy who made a difference in peoples' lives. And I think with all of who have died they have allowed me that inspiration to live and be a better person each day.


Keep your loved ones close. You'll never know when they'll disappear.

Read more...

I'M BORED AGAIN.

Monday, October 19, 2015

Scan-150731-0012

Donna / Clinton, Ct / May 2015

We'll go somewhere else then..

Read more...

TONIGHT FELT LIKE THE REST OF MY LIFE PREVIEW

Friday, October 16, 2015

http://blog.nickdinatale.com/post/130990575781/tonight-felt-like-the-rest-of-my-life-lowell



I couldn't believe the amount of love we received for this show. Sharing a gallery space (or stage so to speak) was quite an honor. It seems as though the direction I'm heading to is now making more sense. I think that I could definitely be taking this idea of curating shows further in the next year. But I have to choose wisely. I have to choose wisely because I want to represent people that are just down for shit. That are down to make work for the sake of making work and not expect anything in return. These kinds of people are the kind of people that I gravitate more towards to.

Next year should be a little different. I got a lot of work that I'm going to be producing of the next few months. This year so far was a good year of exhibiting. I think this next year will be just as good if not better.


credit to Nick Dinatale for photographing the space.

Read more...

NO NEED TO USE IT. WE HAVE WATER

Monday, October 12, 2015

Scan-150731-0011

Fire Extinguisher / East Hartford, Ct / June 2015

I still don't know why I keep taking these types of pictures.... like seriously.

Read more...

WE NEED MORE SOAP

Monday, October 5, 2015

Scan-150731-0010

Buckets / East Hartford, Ct / June 2015

There are some mornings at work where no one is around and I'm there by myself hanging out. Those certain mornings this type of light emits through the windows making certain things look interesting. I have a few pictures in my Still Life section that were taking with the same situation. It's wonderful light and it I can't get enough of it.

Read more...