Been Away to Feel the Real World

Monday, July 24, 2023

As of late I've been writing more than photographing these days. When one thing lacks the other capitalizes and it's been strange seeing the shift of focus go on finishing up projects versus aimlessly photographing things. Of course, I'm still casually taking pictures, but I'm not making a high effort to go after images. If this was a thing back in the day I would've felt a bit nervous about it. Now, I'm happy I can keep a relationship with something steady when I feel a burnout coming.

I've been attempting to write music everyday before going to work. And because of this practice it's giving me realizations that I could be doing more with my time than just sitting here social-media-ing all these apps. Like, I could be writing shit or photographing shit rather than look at what other people are doing. And it's that curiousity that's giving me a lot of anxiety. Why does anyone care about what I do anyway? I'll just leave and no one will really notice.

The practice is meant to finish off a record I've been trying to complete for awhile along with a set of works that I'll be sending Daniel hopefully by the beginning of August. I told him the other day I was forseeing a plan to start production in the middle of next month. At one point I think I had just gotten fed up with waiting and started making the effort write songs before going to work. It's been strange seeing the progress I've been making and how my decisions have been very definite rather than elusive. This is the kind of directions I should be making when I'm working on stuff like this. I'm sure he's not reading these blogs at all and so its good to just let this out lol.

No one really cares about what I do. Maybe one day this work will have some sort of purpose, but right now I'm just trying to create stuff. I don't know what it is that's keeping me from leaving, but being compelled to do something for yourself has been a lonely trip. I'm a nobody and nobody really cares about what I do. If I had left all media I think no one will really notice. So... I think its going to be time to just live in the real world again. And maybe that will be something I could do to enhance my life as well.

- Arthur