Friday, December 30, 2016

As I'm writing this I'm at a cafe contemplating many things. For the rest of December I'll be occupied with much. Family, projects, work, and ongoing battles with things that I can't really discuss. I'm scared about my future endeavors and scared of what's to come. I"m sure that my feelings right now don't really help with the situation, but I'm inspired to write this at this moment. I'm feeling unsure about a lot. And when I'm unsure about things my hesitation usually follows through and I end up regretting the shit.

2016 has certainly been a shitty year for me. A shitty year for most of my friends and family. Many have found success, have taken risks on shit and have followed through with what they aspired to be. And yet I'm still stuck trying to figure out how to get out of this goddamn mess. But what should I expect? This is unfortunately normal for me. I hate it. Hate it hate it hate it. But I have to deal right now. For the most part I've done all I can to get from point A to B. When you need to survive you do it to the fullest. And that's probably what has me in this position. I can't save for shit even if it isn't money.

The last few months have been really hard for me. I'm lucky enough to even afford shit this Christmas season just for the fact that my wife finally can help me out. We are stable for the most part, but even then I still feel like I'm struggling with a lot. I don't know what I need to do to make things better, but I'm considering getting therapy next year. A lot of what happened over the last few years have really impacted me and I'm sure that most of the people recognize that when they see me at work or at home. I try to keep a lot of myself private, but here I am spilling out my fucking guts for no reason. But I need to write this down and feel something again. I'm numb as hell and I'm not even high.

Photography continues to be a big part of my life. With the addition of music it's been a blessing having these two skillsets become a forefront to my everyday living. It's going to be about 12 to 13 years for me shooting pictures and about 18 to 19 years of being a musician. And I'm not even doing anything with it. Well.. maybe I am, but it's not like anybody cares about it.

So let's hope that 2017 will allow me the license to go forth on endeavors I've wanted to achieve for years. See you later 2016. Fuck you.

Happy New Year my luvs.