Friday, October 23, 2015

I think we can all agree that death has surfaced through our loved ones at one point. Heartbreaking to most individuals it could lead to some closure or to deep depression. Recently my wife's mother had pulled the plug on her father. His condition was worsening over the course of the years, but her family kept him alive all the time until now. He was diagnosed with alzheimer's disease awhile back which brought him back and forth into this world. I remember meeting him a year ago and he didn't really say anything. It was kind of heartbreaking. The barrier between him and I was language and I don't think he understood most of what I was saying (he speaks the Bisaya language on top of the Tagalog from what I understand). I'm sure he had a pretty good idea, but that's really all I got out of it. He was kinda brittle, sort of unable to maneuver from one place to the other. He stayed in the house most of the time and had been in the aid of the aunts and other family members.

The last few words that my wife's mother had said "I love you pa. I'm sorry I'm there..." which lead up to a good amount of crying and words "I just want to hold him" and "I miss pa..". It was heartbreaking for sure and seeing this made me recollect what I had been through years ago.

My father died of cancer when I was a senior in high school. I remembered in the waiting room I saw him, lifeless, as my brother removed the rag, kissed his forehead, and closed his eyes with his thumb and index. I think that moment burned in me till this day. And previous to his death he was slowly fading away, getting skinnier and skinnier by the days. It was awkward for me to even look at him let alone talk to him about things. I knew he was going to die when my mom had said "I'm afraid something is going to happen to dad." I don't think I had said anything to dad before he died. I kind of let him go in silence.

I remember this girl, Heather Frandson, who used to date this kid Andy... forgot his last name. They had some problems throughout their relationship in which I was sort of involved in. Heather's mother and father died at an early age and she was sort of faced with fending for herself. She used to be part of the scene back in Lemoore & Hanford. Going to shows, hanging out with friends, and really being part of that group of people. I remember I had to pick her up from the hospital one time because she slit her wrists. I spent the night in her apartment just to make sure she was okay. I found out at one point that she was in Palm Springs with Andy on the phone drunk on Vodka. She had a gun in an apartment and said her last words to Andy "I love you Andy. Sorry..." and then shot herself.

Another was of a guy named Nick who was sort of seeing this girl, Melissa. They hung out a lot with our friends and were kind of a cool couple to be around. One night Nick was driving Melissa home to Visalia when suddenly the car just flips over. Both of them were on the road and the last thing that Nick said to Melissa was "I'm very glad to have met you.".

It's been years thinking about all this. A lot of people have died along the way. And a lot of those people were pretty good human beings. I know that I talk about death a lot in some of my blogs, but that's kind of what I've been dealing with myself. About my purpose in life. About what I want to be known for before I leave this earth. I don't have to be this popular individual. I just want to be that guy who made a difference in peoples' lives. And I think with all of who have died they have allowed me that inspiration to live and be a better person each day.

Keep your loved ones close. You'll never know when they'll disappear.


JSchwake said...

Hey Arthur, Jarred Schwake here. Used to watch you in your bands, especially Winter Soldier. I’ve been thinking a lot about Heather lately. You even crossed my mind a couple weeks back. Always wanted to be able to find some old music from local bands from back in the day. Hope you’re still playing. Be well, man.