There's Nothing Like Running From A Place Called Home

Tuesday, April 2, 2024

About a couple of weeks ago I found out my Uncle had passed away. I was out and about with my girlfriend and her brother when the news hit. At the moment I couldn't fathom the fact that this was happening and sort of brushed it off. As my family started to gather the news on our messenger app it kinda began to sink in. All family members started making plans to visit Cali to pay respects.

Pulling it back a bit my Uncle and his family went to see my father get buried in 2003. I was going through a lot at the time and they managed to come through in support and respect to my father.

Pulling even further there was a moment my brother Bernard was sent away from our household to live with our Uncle and cousins and unfortunately came back to our household kinda worse at the time. He was the one responsible for Bernard to sort of keep away from what he was dealing with back at home.

And now... here we are. Uncle is gone and all these memories starts to sink in...

I didn't know my Uncle and cousins as well as Bernard did at the time, but I looked up to them sort of seeking guidance on how to be like them. They were that cool Asian click that I wished I was apart of being around gangbanger fuck shit. They were that cool Asian click that smoke and drank because that's what you did in the 90's. Obviously that faded away considering how awkward I am as a person and the fact that I couldn't really match what they got going on.

I wouldn't see them for a long time until we visited the cousins for a funeral visit for our cousin Chico who was murdered. This was fresh after my father had already been buried. 2 Knockout back to back hits and I still stand here thinking how is okay?

I'm going to Cali this Saturday. My brothers Bernard and Christopher don't know that I'm coming home to also pay my respects (and to be honest I'm glad they don't read this shit). I'm not sure why I'm only letting my sister Diana and younger brother Eldon know that I'm coming, but there's a thing in me that was apprehensive in letting them know that I'm going. In fact, I was kinda upset at the fact that my brother Christopher in our messenger app already assumed that I wasn't going to go. I kinda felt triggered, but at the same time he was almost right. These are things I usually miss.

And in fact I was a bit apprehensive to even go. I don't want to deal with this. Because it's bringing me back to a point in my life that changed everything and everyone that I didn't really want. But here I am... fucking sober and trying to deal with it.

Nothing like running away from a place called home. There's a reason I don't want to come back to Cali. And with all that has happened I don't think I want to be around those towns ever. I wished my family lived here instead

- ArtB_)