I Think I Called it and Said This Was My Year

Just a bit ago I was offered an opportunity of a lifetime: I'll be working as a Connecticut Careers Trainee at the Department of Social Services! Since the beginning of this year I've grinded applying for State Jobs and the like before, during and after work like a mad person. And in-between that I was also writing drum scripts for some releases coming up this year. It's been crazy trying to find a job that could cater to what I've been doing all this time. I got the call and immediately from the recruiter and said yes to the position, gave my resignation letter and left officially a couple of days ago. It's been a wild month so far and damn it's hard to describe.

It honestly feels weird to be excited about these kinds of things considering the type of person I am. I'm now a working professional doing some working professional things. I think I want to try something different this time in approaching things in a more humble and confident nature. I'm going to really push getting good at this and hopefully make my cohorts feel proud. I'm almost certain that this will be my last destination for employment. This meaning I want to kinda go hard and get higher positions through DSS. I don't think I want to go anywhere else. This is the first time I feel like I'm using my skillsets and degree towards something that's really important and official.

The photo/music thing will stay same. I'm still making it a point to at least have 15 minutes of creativity a day to ensure my chops are straight. Not to mention I'm going to start editing images given the more time I have in the morning. And being real I think it might excel higher than it did before. I'll have more to work with in the coming months without having to think about any issues. I mean there weren't really any, but this job alone will allow me to be more of a rookie than a veteran for once. I can depend on higher ups than them depend on me for things which relieves the stress I've had for awhile. Since the income wasn't really much of an issue I can forsee projects that I had in mind really come into a reality than before. Tangible releases may be a real and regular thing.

For the last few weeks I've been trying to finish up a couple of projects that have been ongoing since the end of September. I know I'm not really in any deadlines, but I'd like to get things sort of poished before I start to promote the work. I've been so excited on how things have been creatively that I've been trying to keep the momentum going. I'm really glad I decided to keep this routine going because trying to go full throttle and stuff just doesn't do it for me anymore. I think I'd rather put myself in a position where the boundaries are stated clearly with some of the things I love and let it rest when it needs it.

I've stated this before and noted that I haven't been posting a lot of my work as much as I used to. Possibly because I'm really trying to get better at polishing stuff and deploying work that has more meaning to me than before. I'm coming to that point where photography and music need more of a presentation than just a regular post engaging on likes. It really doesn't have anything for me to look forward to and I feel like I'm not living life being part of the platform. Pretty soon I'll be using the app less and less.

So, there you have it. That's pretty much everything I can tell you at the moment. I'll be updating again soon. Until then I hope you all have a great rest of your day.


- (_ab)

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I Remember the Feeling of What It Felt Like to Feel This Way

I decided to post this release without any kind of promo being that my unexpected nature of things is ever so continuing. I'm not good at PR, but I'm good at writing and photographing my feelings. That's the best I can do to be honest. This is a comfort for me. I'm not sure who's watching or listening, but I just don't post a lot of photo work these days. I don't know if it's just tiring to try and showcase stuff that doesn't matter to anyone, but yeah I keep it low key. I'm not out here doing crazy work like most people are.

"I Remember the Feeling of What It Felt Like to Feel This Way" is a two song record that focused on a time of my declining mental health being a the forefront of what would be normal everday feeling and experience for so many years. The fact that I was in a relationship with much stress with a nonstop experience of self loathing. I was alone, broke & at a demise quickly. I needed to break out of those feelings. And for that I was able to years later after this image was taken.

I hope you guys like this one. I may have some releases out in the next few months, but we'll see. if anything I hope you like these songs and hope you continue to follow what I do.

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Thirty - Seven

Soo.. this is thirty-seven. Sort of weird because in a sense I feel like it and don't feel like it. It's funny because I almost forgot that I'm turning this age lol. Perhaps the presence of such a number is manifesting itself slowly. I think 2022 has solidified my old man status that I'm begging myself not to submit to. I'd like to think I'll be young forever, but I'm definitely getting slower. I just know it. I have to be strategic about everything I do. I have to use my time wisely. My comprehension levels can deplane a bit. What the fuck is even happening?

But things have been changing mentally and physically. I'm not saying that I have all these crazy ailments, but I do know that I have limits. I think it's okay though. I think that being this way tells me that I need to keep steady pace rather than trying to go full throttle on everything. I used to think it was okay to just burn out and then try to start over. Everything has a limit and I've just about had it with trying to go full throttle on certain things that I don't care about. Even with projects I have to ensure that I'm giving some of the process to breathe. It's a great way to establish boundaries.

I thought I had all this sentimental shit I wanted to write, but I guess I don't. Things are good. I can't stress enough how good they are. I have the priviledge of doing what I want. Not many have that. And I know earlier I had written a pretty depressing post about my faigue, but I think now I'm going to be alright. Just needed some of that validation that's all.




Thank you all who continue to view this site. I might be going off the socials for a while to adjust some meanings of what I do as an artist here. And maybe talking about my work in a location that doesn't require the use of ads might be a better suit for me.

-(_ab)

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